My dear Skunkalufogus

Well, I suppose we can all rest easy for the time being as perhaps the skunkapocalypse is not as near as feared. It seems my Skunk neighbor was killed Sunday night. The cause of death is still unknown and will perhaps remain so (apparently skunk-autopsy is not a common practice). This said, it was not clear whether he was hit by the neighbor speeding out of his driveway at some bizarre early hour and then left along side our driveway to die a slow death. Or perhaps he spent his last moments entwined in an epic battle with the deer that has been rumored to be roaming the road (had to do that). Whatever the cause, I find myself grieving as I would wish death upon no creature (except most any spider which has the gall to come within 10 feet of my person). I suppose I only really longed for Skunkalufogus to relocate himself. Having no idea where a skunk would relocate to, I would have been satisfied being told he went to the skunk farm where all the little skunks waddle in harmony and enjoy peaceful seclusion from mankind. But no, his remains were discovered by my father who bravely scooped Skunkalufogus from the side of the drive way and placed him in a shiny bag which now sits at the bottom of the garbage can. Whenever I walk outside, I am reminded of the life of noble Skunkalufogus by the scent which emanates gloriously from the bin (at least until Thursday morning when he will be transported by tuck to his final resting place). RIP Skunkalufogus.

Skunk-apocalypse

What is the proper way to react to a skunk? I know what to do if a rabid dog comes bounding toward me, teeth barred, foaming at the mouth, and ready to bite my head off- act like a tree. What am I supposed to do if a skunk (only about a foot long and barely 2 inches from the ground) comes waddling toward me then raises that striped tail like peacock feathers and continues inching forward? I sure as hell am not acting like a tree.
I also don't think that scampering around in a circle emitting high pitched squeaks of fear is the proper tactic to avoid being sprayed. I tried this and did not get sprayed, but of course this could be a strange skunk. This little fellow has now approached me 4 times and I am beginning to think my luck can only last so long. I suppose I should stock up on tomato juice in case the attack does occur. In fact, we should all stock up on tomato juice. My dad encountered 5 skunks while jogging this evening. All that this could possibly mean is the skunk-apocalypse is fast approaching. Imagine, a world where skunks out number humans and waddle around spraying them with that terrible odor. First, blindness. Next, suffocation. Finally, the extermination of the human race. SKUNKAPOCALYPSE!